The Fifth Pitch
"There is a fifth pitch, beyond that which is known to the game." - unashamed commentary and thoughts on football and the silly world surrounding it.
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In which we return to graze your dashboards once more with the help of G-Balez.

So, Gareth Bale happened. 

We all know crack does some crazy shit to people - but Madrid is on some kind of rock no man should ever be on. 

£85 million cold ones for the Welsh wonder. Hala fucking Madrid. You do you, Real. You do you. 


What bitches with too much money do: buy crack
What bitches do with crack: take it
What bitches on crack do: spend 100 million euros on Bale

It’s April Fool’s day but we decided against the clever pranks and opted to celebrate the return of Game of Thrones into our screens instead by allocating clubs to their GoT House counterparts. We were only aware this morning of some articles going around doing the same as well, but we decided to take it a step further and make pretty of it.

It goes as follow:

Arsenal - House Stark

Stark motto: “Winter is coming” 

We chose the north-dwelling Starks to be Arsenal’s parallel mainly because of the tragedy the house has endured. Arsenal too, are a classic case of cataclysm. Ned Stark was also a proud and stubborn man - something we see of Arsene Wenger all too often. The family prides itself in having close-knit relationship, also something the club attempts to engrain in their players. 

The motto is clearly a dig at their ‘next season we’ll win!’ mentality. 

Chelsea - House Lannister

Lannister motto: “Hear me roar”

For those of you who do watch GoT - this may be quite obvious considering the common saying associated with the Lannisters: “A Lannister always pays his debts”. It’s easy to see that what the two have in common is a very healthy bank account. But, it’s also worth noting the Lannisters, like Chelsea, are ruthless when it comes to preserving their reputation (though many would ask: what reputation?). 

The motto is once again a play on their over-reliance on a never-ending bankroll. 

Liverpool - House Targaryen

Targaryen motto: “Fire and blood”

It may be quite funny at first to allocate Liverpool with the exiled Targaryens but hear us out. Both Liverpool and House Targaryen are ousted from their days of glory by two successful forces (Stark and Baratheon/United and Arsenal) and still long the return of what once was. Unfortunately, they both have ran into untrustworthy partners on their attempt to the top (Gillet and Hicks/Daxos and Pree).

The motto is a playful attempt to make fun of Liverpool’s obsession with their history (and subsequently their claim to success).

Man City - House Tyrell

Tyrell motto: “Growing strong”

With the way Man City are paying left and right, it would be also appropriate to put them with the Lannisters. However, what we think is the difference in Man City is their blatant aspirations in social-climbing - the kind of thing we see the Tyrells are always doing. The Tyrells, like the Lannisters are also ruthless, though subtle. We think this is similar of Man City who try to weasle their way into power without attracting too much hatred.

The motto is a response to the obscene wages they pay their players. 

Man United - House Baratheon

Baratheon motto: “Ours is the fury”

United is the team we struggled with the most. They are successful, cunning, and will do everything in their power to reach their goals. While the Baratheon are indeed successful they do not show the same malevolence as the Lannisters. However, we remembered about Stannis Baratheon and the influence Melisandre, the fire priestess, has over him. This is quite similar in the way Alex Ferguson has been alleged of manipulating the game using means outside of the sport (paying referees, etc.)

The motto is a direct comment on the deceitfulness often accused of Man United. 

Spurs - House Greyjoy 

Greyjoy motto: “We do not sow”

Like House Greyjoy, Spurs is the unfateful side people often understimate. Furthermore, the Greyjoys’ animosity towards Starks is nicely appropriated to the North Lodon rivalry. Spurs are seen as rather miserable, unexciting, and way past their prime. Despite this, a new and exciting generation is paving the way for a 70s era return, parallel to the activities brewing up in the Iron Islands led by Theon and Yara Greyjoy. 

The motto is a cheeky dig at their reputation for being a middling club.

Classy to the Xabi: Alonso's potential move back up to Scouseland. →


We know this is the Mirror and other non-reputable sources of journalism, but if it proves to be true: £80k/week for your ageing ass?


We’ve always thought Xabi Alonso to be a bit shady since his move to RM, but this just makes us more concerned on what a triflin’…

Alonso is the only thing that could save Liverpool’s ass

C’mon - what you smoking, boo? 

(via alonsos)

Alonso’s potential move back up to Scouseland.

We know this is the Mirror and other non-reputable sources of journalism, but if it proves to be true: £80k/week for your ageing ass?

We’ve always thought Xabi Alonso to be a bit shady since his move to RM, but this just makes us more concerned on what a triflin’ life he really leads! 

He rides on his ~classy~ rep and suddenly he’s untouchable?


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